It's closer...
I just got home from the doctor. I am scared senseless and totally freaking out. She told me that yes, that lower back pain/crampiness/tightening in my upper belly ARE contractions, I'm 2 cm dilated, and she stripped my membranes. That did NOT feel good. She didn't tell me she was going to do it until after she was done. She said oh, don't be surprised if your water breaks in the next few days.!!!
She also told me that if the baby didn't decide to show up on his own by my appointment next Tuesday, that she wanted to start talking about inducing. I was surprised by that, because I didn't think doctors started talking induction until at least 40 weeks. She said, yeah, well, he's starting to get a little big.
!!!
She said that we could just wait on him if I wanted, but seriously, if the doctor says he's getting big and she wants him out, I'm going to take her word for it. She's the one who went to medical school, not me. I was an elementary education major! She took advanced biology courses and human devolopment... I took puppetry. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say she's the person who would know best in this situation.
Baby is measuring right on track, his heartbeat is good, and despite the copious amount of food I've been eating the last few weeks, I didn't gain ANYTHING since my last visit. I'm up 24 lbs overall, which is right in the frame she wanted me to be at the outset of all this. My blood pressure is good, the itchiness in my hands and feet has subsided, my belly button has healed.
Pretty much the only thing wrong with me is that I am scared out of my ever loving mind right now. I cried on the way home because I was so scared. I kinda felt like an idiot, crying because I was scared. I had to tell myself to calm down, and force myself to take deep breaths. I seriously have that "I want my mommy" feeling, and I'm 31 freaking years old! Then I got mad, because I can't HAVE my mommy, and even if I did, she wouldn't be the source of comfort that I need. I guess what I want is a good, loving, supportive mom to be here with me and hold my hand and tell me everything is going to be okay and give me a hug, and it totally makes me mad that I don't have one.
I also keep telling myself, women have been doing this for MILLIONS of years, and they'll keep doing it for millions of years after me, but in the end, that doesn't matter, because they're NOT ME. I already love this baby so much, and I'm so looking forward to finally getting to meet him and to share all the good stuff life has to offer with him, but I'm scared I guess because I'm completely clueless. It's that proverbial fear of the unknown that's kicking my butt right now.
We're getting down to the wire here... I'm gonna have me a baby soon!!!
Labels: progress
About Sawyer at 12:12 PM
2 Comments:
Relax and ENJOY!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;)
Hi :)
I stumbled upon your blog through a comment you left on another blog (don't even remember which one!)and I've been reading for a little while now.
I have the same due date as you. :)
I was just wondering why your doctor is so intent on getting this baby out... going so far as scheduling a c-section on your due if he's not out by then.
Doctors do know a lot, but they don't always make decisions based on the patient's best interest. (Think more along the lines of- if she induces you, she won't need to be woken in the middle of the night when you go into labor naturally ;) )
In any case, I don't want to sound critical or preachy... just thought I'd point out that you might want to ask her if she can wait for it to start naturally, and if not, you can always seek a second opinion, if you really want to avoid all these interventions :)
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